kindness to children

I came home to my barren little room after a week of easy living to find no water, no electricity, a layer of dust on the floor, and a bug the size of a small crayfish floating in my toilet. But at least I have a toilet, yes. The minibus ride was enough of a welcome home, with a child of about a year and a half screaming and squirming the entire hour or so. It was surprisingly generous that the driver made a couple unscheduled stops, first to buy the child some water and then to allow the mother the opportunity to find something for the child to eat. Only when a bag of candy was produced did we get any peace. Unrelated women offered to hold the child for a bit to give the mother a rest and to try their hands at calming the child, so the child was passed around to find comfort in others’ arms. Malawians love their children, the men and the women both. In Malawi you are almost as likely to see a man with a child on his lap in the minibus (unless it’s a tiny infant still nursing) as you are a woman. Seeing men with young children, walking with them, carrying them, interacting with them, is not uncommon here. This is in direct contrast with my experience in Swaziland where children were exclusively in the women’s domain and if men did interact with children it was usually cruelly. In Swaziland, one of the most common phrases used with children is, “tawu ku shaya” or “tak’shaya”, meaning “I will beat you.” It’s one of the first phrases we learn when we move to our communities and villages and one of the most difficult issues for Peace Corps Volunteers to confront. Swazi children are beaten routinely and, if not being beaten, are constantly being threatened with the prospect future beatings. Even at public and school functions that are supposed to advocate for children, the children are treated roughly and without affection.
Malawians are kind to each other and they are kind to their children, at least in the rural areas I have visited. I don’t know why it would be so different across cultures that, in many areas, have common ancestry, but the contrast is undeniable. Certainly there are people in Swaziland who care for children and who treat them well and love them deeply, but it is not part of the cultural norm to be kind to children. In Malawi I have yet to see anyone hit a child and beating is not permitted in the schools. Perhaps they are treated aggressively in the home, but I have yet, in 5 months, seen anyone strike a child in public or even threaten to do so. There is some thinking in Swaziland that you must be rough with children to prepare them for the hardships they will encounter when they grow up. Additionally, child sexual abuse, at least of the very young children, is not common in Malawi and not accepted, tacitly or otherwise. Again, it probably occurs, as it does everywhere, but I have lived in and known communities in Africa where the sexual abuse of children is not uncommon and is condoned by silence. It was good for me to come here, to this place where small children play freely and are relatively happy, where they do not live in constant fear or with demons who take human form. Now if we could just create a world where they stand a good chance they will not be orphaned, where their odds of reaching their 10th birthday are better than 8:10, where they do not suffer the ravages of malaria that may kill them when they’re young but, if not, will continue to deplete their strength throughout their adult lives, where they can go to school and learn about the world, where their bellies are full of food rather than distended by malnutrition, where HIV is not looming in their future, where there is hope of something better for their own children and the opportunity for them to provide it, where we don’t turn them into beggars through our own misguided intentions but, rather, find a way to enable them to take care of themselves and their families without having to depend on the inconsistent good will of others. Not a perfect world, but a better world. Read more